EverRealm: A LitRPG Novel (Level Dead Book 1) Page 8

  “Yeah,” Kip said.

  Now that Coz was here to do the talking, Kip was back to his monosyllabic self.

  “So, what happens if I badmouth this place?” I asked.

  “All kinds of shit, dude,” Coz said. “It really is best you don’t find out.”

  “Fine. I’ll keep my opinions to myself,” I said.

  “Opinions are like rectums!” a voice cried from somewhere. “Everyone has one!” There was a clearing of a throat. “Except poltergeists and other non-corporeal beings. They no longer have rectums, of course.”

  We turned in a circle, but couldn’t see the source of the voice.

  “Did you do that?” I asked Coz. “Are you messing with us?”

  “No, dude, not me,” Coz said.

  “For your impertinence, I shall take a limb!” the voice announced.

  “Right,” I said. “And you are?”

  There was a shimmering in the middle of the back-hair thicket. A knight appeared, all decked out in matte-black armor with a flaming sword in one hand and a shield of pure obsidian in the other.

  “Dammit, Steve,” Coz snarled. “You brought the Dark Enforcer down on us. And I haven’t gotten to a save point yet, so I’m gonna be zero help.”

  “None shall assist!” the Dark Enforcer said, pointing his flaming sword at me. “For this is between the offender and I!”

  “Hey, man, I’m sorry,” I said, holding up my hands. “Seriously. I’m just not a big fan of this game, so I mouth off sometimes. I promise I’ll be more respectful and keep my opinions to myself.”

  “Opinions are like rectums!” he announced again.

  “Everyone has one,” I said. “Yeah, yeah, we know.”

  “Dude,” Coz said, shaking his head. “Just shut up.”

  “Your impertinence will cost you a limb!” the Dark Enforcer said. “You may choose the limb!”

  “Seriously? I get to choose?” I asked.

  “You may choose the limb!” he said again.

  “Any limb?” I asked.

  “Steve, knock it off,” Coz said out of the corner of his mouth. “If you push it, he’ll take more than a limb.”

  “You may choose any limb!” the Dark Enforcer said.

  “Cool,” I replied. “I choose your left arm. The one holding the shield.”

  Coz and Kip turned to me, their mouths hanging open. I played it cool and kept my eyes on the huge knight. His shoulders seemed to sag a little.

  “Yes, well, I may have misspoke,” the Dark Enforcer said. “By any limb, I meant one of yours. Choose one of your limbs!”

  “No, you said any limb,” I responded. “I clarified, man. I asked you at least three times if it could be any limb and you said it could. That’s not you misspoking—”

  “Not a word,” Coz said.

  “That’s you making a mistake,” I said. “Just like I made a mistake by saying something rude about EverRealm. Mistakes happen.”

  “I did not make a mistake,” the Dark Enforcer said. “You misinterpreted my statement.”

  “Okay, now we’re arguing semantics,” I said and pulled my long sword. “If you want to fight, then we fight. I’m good with that because you are pissing me off. But do not even try to justify this fight as some challenge over EverRealm’s honor. You’re just being a dick, is what this is.”

  Coz and Kip took several steps away from me.

  “On your own with this one, dude,” Coz said.

  “Whatever,” I said.

  I wasn’t kidding about being pissed. I didn’t want to be in this damn Domain. I didn’t know where my best friend was. I mean, Holo could be dead for all I knew. We were supposed to live forever in the Domains, free of the goddamn undead, but that wasn’t happening. And now this asshole was coming at me because I said one stupid comment.

  I was done.

  Gripping my long sword with both hands, I spread my stance and braced myself.

  “We doing this or what, dickhead?” I snapped.

  The Dark Enforcer faced me, but I had no idea if he was looking at me or what. His helmet’s visor was completely opaque. I couldn’t see his eyes at all. If he had eyes. As far as I knew, since it was EverRealm, the guy could have been only made of enchanted armor.

  “I propose a compromise,” the Dark Enforcer said at last. “We shall fight, but neither of us will lose a limb. Instead, it will be to the first hit. Once the hit is made, we shall withdraw and be on our separate journeys. Are these terms agreeable to you?”

  “Totally,” I said just as Coz began to say, “Dude, no!”

  I looked over at him and his eyes were wide with fear. Kip was shaking his head and looked really, really sad.

  Shit.

  “What’d I do?” I asked.

  “You get hit with that blade and it’ll burn straight through you,” Coz said. “A hit is as bad as losing a limb.”

  “Oh,” I said.

  The Dark Enforcer chuckled.

  “You have agreed to the terms, offender,” he said. “You may not back out now without paying the penalty.”

  “That penalty would be my life, right?” I asked. He nodded. “I thought so.”

  I gripped my sword tighter and let out a long breath.

  “Alright then,” I said. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  Fourteen

  He came at me fast. The guy was huge, but he moved like a little ninja. I was barely able to dive out of the way as he swung his flaming sword at my head.

  Yeah, I could see why fighting to the first hit was a bad idea. Especially if that first hit was my head or neck area.

  I came up out of the roll and into a crouch, my sword still gripped two-handed. The Dark Enforcer turned fast and swiped at where he thought my head would be, but it only whooshed over me. Without hesitation, I lunged up and stabbed at his chest. His shield blocked the attack and with a hard push knocked me back on my ass.

  The flaming sword came down and I rolled out of the way. The ground where the blade struck became an inferno. That inferno spread to the closest koda, turning that weird bushy back hair into a bonfire instantly.

  The scream the thing made was excruciatingly loud.

  It pulled itself out of the ground and whirled about to face the Dark Enforcer. It looked like a messed-up chimpanzee with a warthog’s head and that freaky bush growing out of its back. Which was on fire. Its limbs were covered in thick roots that twined about its arms and legs, creating a veiny armor that was pretty impressive.

  “Stand aside, creature!” the Dark Enforcer ordered. “You shall not impede a battle for the honor of EverRealm!”

  The thing just kept screaming as it charged the Dark Enforcer. If the knight had eyes, they had to have widened in surprise as the koda flung itself into the air, talon-like roots extending from its fingertips. The two beings collided, and the Dark Enforcer’s sword went flying from his grip.

  I did what any self-respecting RPG player would do and ran to snag that sword as fast as I could.

  One problem: the rest of the kodas were coming up out of the ground, too. Apparently, if you picked a fight with one koda, you picked a fight with the whole lot.

  Lightning streaked past me, and I spun around to see Kip tossing bolts here and there. I don’t think he was aiming, only trying to draw the kodas’ attention to him and away from me.

  I kept running, dodging the creatures that were unearthing themselves in every direction. The flaming sword was only a couple yards away and I dove for it. My aim was almost right. I landed by the sword, but my hand grabbed the flaming blade and not the non-flaming hilt. Pain shot up through my arm and I screamed almost as loud as the kodas were.

  “You dare defile my weapon!” the Dark Enforcer yelled as he threw the first koda off of himself then punched two more with his shield as they leapt for him. “I shall place a curse upon—!”

  He didn’t get to finish. Coz had snuck up on him and buried a short sword in his back. That would probably be a no-no for most c
lasses, but for a Master Thief? Totally acceptable. Hopefully. Technically, he hadn’t checked into the game since he hadn’t gotten to a save point yet. But we’d deal with that later.

  Hold on, where did he get the short sword?

  I glanced at my belt and realized he’d snagged it from me. When, I had no clue. The guy was good at his job, save point or not.

  I reached for the flaming sword again and managed to grab the hilt instead of the blade that time. The fire instantly went out, and the Dark Enforcer let out a mournful wail. The pain in my scorched hand ceased almost as soon as the flames died. I got to my feet and looked the sword over. It was a sweet piece of weaponry. Turned out the blade was obsidian, just like the Dark Enforcer’s shield.

  “We need to go,” Coz said, suddenly by my side.

  Enraged kodas were everywhere. But the Dark Enforcer was gone. Just disappeared. Without the huge knight to battle, the kodas were turning their angry faces in our direction.

  Something exploded and the area was covered in thick, gray smoke. I felt Coz grab my arm and lead me away. I trusted he knew where he was going since that Master Thief training should have been able to navigate some gray smoke without a problem.

  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stumble a few times, once completely face-planting and eating a mouthful of dirt. But overall, I was able to follow Coz’s lead and get as far away from that place as fast as possible.

  By the time we stopped, we were both gasping for breath, our bodies drenched in sweat. We collapsed onto the ground, which gratefully was a soft bed of bright green clover. When I could breathe normally, I sat up and smiled at the clover meadow we’d stumbled into.

  “Where’s Kip?” I asked.

  “Here,” Kip said from the side of the meadow, his back to us. “Gotta pee.”

  “You do that,” I said. “And thanks for the smoke cloud.”

  “Yeah,” he said as he finished up and joined us. His hands flashed white for a second and he gave me a smile. “Sanitized.”

  “Convenient spell,” I said.

  He shrugged and sat down next to Coz.

  “Okay,” Coz said without sitting up. He was still breathing heavy. The escape had taken more out of him than us because he wasn’t fully logged into the game yet. “Let’s not do that again.”

  “I don’t know,” I said as I held up the obsidian sword. “I got a sweet blade out of it.”

  I stood and walked a few paces away then swung the sword. Nothing happened. It didn’t become flame or anything. I swung it a few more times, stared at it, then shook it like it was a flashlight with low batteries.

  “What gives?” I asked, looking at Kip and Coz.

  Kip shrugged and Coz casually rolled his head my direction and gave me a bored look.

  “What did you think would happen?” he asked. “It would give up its secrets to you and you’d be able to flame on whenever you wanted? Not how it works, dude.”

  “Then how does it work?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Coz said. “I’ve never known anyone that’s taken the Dark Blade from the Dark Enforcer before. New territory, dude.”

  “Dark Blade? Is that what it’s called?” I asked. “What a stu—”

  “No!” Coz and Kip yelled.

  “Did you learn nothing?” Coz snapped as he jumped to his feet. “Don’t insult EverRealm!”

  “I wasn’t,” I said. “I was insulting this sword. Not EverRealm as a whole.”

  “Same thing,” Coz said.

  “Yeah,” Kip agreed.

  “Dude, the Dark Enforcer isn’t some NPC like a village blacksmith,” Coz said. “He’s not even a level boss or anything. He’s a protector. He’s ingrained in the game mechanics. When you mess with him, or his blade, you are messing with EverRealm. As a whole. Got it?”

  “He was pretty easy to take down,” I said.

  “You’re not listening,” Coz said. “He’s not a level boss. He’s not a quest opponent. He’s not anything like what you are used to. The Dark Enforcer works for the game. That’s all he does. And he takes his job very seriously. Did we defeat his ass and steal his sword? Yes. Does that mean he’s no longer dangerous? No. He is very dangerous.”

  “Yeah,” Kip said, nodding vigorously.

  “So, he could still be after us?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Coz said. “Technically, neither of you scored the first hit. As far as he is concerned, the challenge is open. Hell, as far as the entire game is concerned, the challenge is still open.”

  “What do we do?” I asked, a sick feeling in my gut.

  “What we don’t do is make things worse by continuing to insult EverRealm,” he said. “You got it?”

  “Yes, I got it,” I said. I shook the sword again. No flames. “I wish it would work.”

  “Yeah,” Kip said.

  Coz sighed.

  “Listen, Steve, you have got to take our lead from now on, you hear me?” Coz said. “This Domain isn’t your cup of tea, we all know that. So do us all a favor and hang back. Don’t talk unless you absolutely have to. And do not, under any circumstances, accept any more challenges. Let me or Kip handle things from now on. It’s the only way we’re getting out of this alive.”

  I wanted to tell him to go to Hell, but as far as I was concerned, we were already there. He watched me closely until I nodded in agreement.

  “You lead,” I said.

  “Thank you,” he replied and relaxed.

  At least until a huge cloud of black smoke exploded in the middle of the field.

  I held out the sword, still no flame, while Kip’s hands glowed red and Coz held up my long sword of Breaking. No clue when he took that from me.

  Someone coughed from the middle of the smoke then a strong breeze cleared it away and Trish was suddenly standing before us. She was dressed in a tight black dress that went from the ground all the way to her chin. It shimmered in the light like snakeskin.

  “There you assholes are,” she said. “I’ve been fucking looking for you everywhere. If you’d fucking stand still for one goddamn second, then I could have found you hours ago.”

  Trish was a Level 113 Sorceress. Neutral Evil all the way.

  “Y’all ready to go?” she asked.

  “Go where?” I replied.

  “To meet the others,” she said like I was the dumbest person she’d ever seen. “Back at Castle Lormillion.”

  “Finally!” Coz cried. “A save point!”

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” Trish said and snapped her fingers.

  Bye bye, clover meadow.

  Fifteen

  Castle Lormillion was the center of Ming’s kingdom. He was a scion of the creators of EverRealm so, of course, he got to have his own kingdom. It was one hell of a castle.

  Stupid name, though.

  Trish materialized us in the middle of the throne room where Ming was seated on said throne, a huge goblet of wine in his hand. Holo, decked out in his specially made armor, was lying at the foot of the twenty steps that led up to the throne. He perked up the second he saw me.

  “Bro!” Holo shouted as he raced across the throne room and nearly tackled me. “Ming and I had a bet that you were so dead!”

  “Thanks for trusting in me, buddy,” I said.

  “What? Oh, no, Ming and I both bet you were dead,” Holo said. “Sandra was the only one that bet you were alive. I guess we owe her like a bazillion gold pieces.”

  Holo spun around and stared up at Ming.

  “Can you cover me? I don’t have a bazillion gold pieces.”

  “I’ll instruct the treasury to deposit the winnings into Sandra’s vault,” Ming said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

  Holy shit. He was totally drunk.

  “Ming? You good, man?” I asked.

  “What is this you ask of me, Steve? Am I good?” He laughed. It was a sad, pained laugh. “No, Steve, I am not good. My family Domain has been infected with the undead. There is no good in that. My soul is tormented. I am lo
st.”

  “Save point!” Coz shouted, oblivious to Ming’s drunken despair.

  “You fucking know where it is,” Trish replied. “Do you need me to walk you over there, you big baby?”

  “Hold up,” I said and held out my hand. “Sword.”

  “Huh?” Coz asked, giving me that thief smile of his. He pulled my long sword of Breaking from his belt and handed it over. “Wouldn’t be much of a thief if I didn’t try.”

  “You should all save yourselves,” Ming mumbled drunkenly.

  I wasn’t sure if he was talking game or if he was talking about life. Either way, he was a bummer of a drunk.

  “Where’s Sandra?” I asked.

  “She is stocking up on potions and practicing her healing arts,” Ming said. “Or she’s on the toilet. I do not know.”

  “Dude,” Coz said as he walked over to the save point in the corner of the throne room. He gestured for me to follow and I did. “He must be losing it. The guy hates potty humor.”

  “We’ll get him sobered up then formulate a plan,” I said. “We can’t let the undead run rampant over EverRealm. I may not like it here, but we have to keep the Domains safe. Otherwise, what’s the point of everything we did to get here?”

  “Yeah,” Kip said, right behind us.

  “Hey, what’s that?” Holo asked, following close on my heels. “Steve? What sword is that?”

  “What was it called?” I asked Coz.

  “The Dark Blade,” Coz replied.

  “The Dark Blade?” Holo barked. “How in the hell did you get the Dark Blade, bro?”

  “Steve!” Ming cried. “Approach the throne with that sword!”

  “Hold on, man,” I said. “Gonna do a quick save first.”

  “No, you will not!” Ming said. “That sword is not yours to save!”

  “Finders keepers, Ming,” I said and ran to the save point which happened to be a statue of a goddess. A naked statue, of course.

  I put my hands on the pedestal and my heads-up display activated.

  Character class: Ranger

  Character alignment: Chaotic Good

  Character level: 10

  Health: 46%

  Strength: 72%